III. The Hall of False Gods
A few paces carried Darrus across Hell to the Hall of False Gods. It was a rather ornate doorway, Darrus thought, for a collection of colossal failures.
At the Beginning of Time, the Big Man Upstairs had made all the animals on Earth a paradise. The name of place varies, depending on who's telling, but the Nexus records it as Eden. Likewise, the action that caused man to fall from grace is disputed. The Nexus reports several attempts, but the successful attempt was the temptation of man via the forbidden fruit from the Tree of Knowledge.
The Big Man was known for being the forgiving sort, so he gave the humans a try at getting back into paradise, this one in Heaven; all they had to do was believe in the Big Man and follow his rules, and they'd get in. Well, Lucifer wasn't about to let them get in that easily. He started sending up demons to become false gods, keeping humans from believing the Big Man and ultimately dooming them to spending eternity in Hell.
Whenever a false god fell far enough out of favor to have less than 1% of the human population believe in him/her/it, Lucifer recalled the would-be deity to Hell, where they spent the rest of eternity in the Hall of False Gods.
He pulled the ten foot slab of iron open and stepped into a blistering desert.
A being the size of a house was there to greet him, slobbering from an enormous mouth lined with multiple rows of teeth. It snarled and moved as if to swallow Darrus whole.
"Osiris!" Darrus yelled. "Get your soul eater under control!"
A thirty foot figure grabbed the monster by what could best be approximated as its collar and pulled it away from Darrus.
"I am so sorry, Darrus." it said.
Darrus dusted off the sand the monster had kicked up onto his coat. "Don't mention it. I'm looking for Odin. Any idea where I might him?"
"He would be in Valhalla with the other Norse types, I would assume."
"That would make sense." Darrus felt something else had to be said, perhaps to make up for the embarrassment of Osiris' pet nearly getting his master in quite a bit of trouble. "So, how is Isis doing?"
Osiris sighed. "Not so well. I think that she might be having an affair with Quetzacoatl."
"That's a shame." Darrus turned to go, then considered what Osiris had just said. "Isn't he a snake?"
"Mostly."
"Makes me wonder about the mechanics involved." muttered Darrus as he walked toward Valhalla.
That the Norse gods stayed in Valhalla was a bit odd to Darrus. He'd never been a Norse mythology buff, but he was almost certain that the gods had dwelt in some other fortress. He didn't question it; not asking questions was one of the reasons he was valuable. The sand crunching under his boots changed to the creak of hardwood floors, and Darrus knew he was there.
Valhalla looked like a cross between a Viking Lodge and Sports Bar. Darrus wasn't sure at what point the big-screen televisions had been added, but they fit the general mood of the place quite well. The noise level was deafening.
Darrus' voice had never been loud. Like many separatists, he'd been a heavy smoker during his lifetime. His somewhat premature demise had kept him ahead of emphezema, but had given him a gravelly voice he'd kept after his conversion to his infernal form. Somehow, that voice carried across the din.
"Odin!" Darrus called. A bearded face with one eye looked up from one of the banquet tables.
"Ah, Darrus!" boomed back Odin's voice. "Come on, sit doon! Have some--"
Darrus took a step and was across the hall, within arm's lenght of Odin. He was also behind him. Darrus gave Odin a tap on the shoulder. "I think not."
"Ah realleh wish ya wudden do tha'." said Odin, turning to face Darrus. "Ah mean, any of us can, but yer tha onleh one who realleh abuses the whole 'no spacial constraints' theng."
"Call me efficient. Speaking of which, we have a job to do."
"Realleh? What sort?"
"You're my Nexus tap. Come along, I'll fill you in on the way. Try to keep up, I'm not walking the whole way to the corridor just because overwalking makes you uncomfortable."
"Ahl right."
"Oh, and I understand that you've got a reputation to defend and all, but when we get out of here, drop the accent."
"Aye."
At the Beginning of Time, the Big Man Upstairs had made all the animals on Earth a paradise. The name of place varies, depending on who's telling, but the Nexus records it as Eden. Likewise, the action that caused man to fall from grace is disputed. The Nexus reports several attempts, but the successful attempt was the temptation of man via the forbidden fruit from the Tree of Knowledge.
The Big Man was known for being the forgiving sort, so he gave the humans a try at getting back into paradise, this one in Heaven; all they had to do was believe in the Big Man and follow his rules, and they'd get in. Well, Lucifer wasn't about to let them get in that easily. He started sending up demons to become false gods, keeping humans from believing the Big Man and ultimately dooming them to spending eternity in Hell.
Whenever a false god fell far enough out of favor to have less than 1% of the human population believe in him/her/it, Lucifer recalled the would-be deity to Hell, where they spent the rest of eternity in the Hall of False Gods.
He pulled the ten foot slab of iron open and stepped into a blistering desert.
A being the size of a house was there to greet him, slobbering from an enormous mouth lined with multiple rows of teeth. It snarled and moved as if to swallow Darrus whole.
"Osiris!" Darrus yelled. "Get your soul eater under control!"
A thirty foot figure grabbed the monster by what could best be approximated as its collar and pulled it away from Darrus.
"I am so sorry, Darrus." it said.
Darrus dusted off the sand the monster had kicked up onto his coat. "Don't mention it. I'm looking for Odin. Any idea where I might him?"
"He would be in Valhalla with the other Norse types, I would assume."
"That would make sense." Darrus felt something else had to be said, perhaps to make up for the embarrassment of Osiris' pet nearly getting his master in quite a bit of trouble. "So, how is Isis doing?"
Osiris sighed. "Not so well. I think that she might be having an affair with Quetzacoatl."
"That's a shame." Darrus turned to go, then considered what Osiris had just said. "Isn't he a snake?"
"Mostly."
"Makes me wonder about the mechanics involved." muttered Darrus as he walked toward Valhalla.
That the Norse gods stayed in Valhalla was a bit odd to Darrus. He'd never been a Norse mythology buff, but he was almost certain that the gods had dwelt in some other fortress. He didn't question it; not asking questions was one of the reasons he was valuable. The sand crunching under his boots changed to the creak of hardwood floors, and Darrus knew he was there.
Valhalla looked like a cross between a Viking Lodge and Sports Bar. Darrus wasn't sure at what point the big-screen televisions had been added, but they fit the general mood of the place quite well. The noise level was deafening.
Darrus' voice had never been loud. Like many separatists, he'd been a heavy smoker during his lifetime. His somewhat premature demise had kept him ahead of emphezema, but had given him a gravelly voice he'd kept after his conversion to his infernal form. Somehow, that voice carried across the din.
"Odin!" Darrus called. A bearded face with one eye looked up from one of the banquet tables.
"Ah, Darrus!" boomed back Odin's voice. "Come on, sit doon! Have some--"
Darrus took a step and was across the hall, within arm's lenght of Odin. He was also behind him. Darrus gave Odin a tap on the shoulder. "I think not."
"Ah realleh wish ya wudden do tha'." said Odin, turning to face Darrus. "Ah mean, any of us can, but yer tha onleh one who realleh abuses the whole 'no spacial constraints' theng."
"Call me efficient. Speaking of which, we have a job to do."
"Realleh? What sort?"
"You're my Nexus tap. Come along, I'll fill you in on the way. Try to keep up, I'm not walking the whole way to the corridor just because overwalking makes you uncomfortable."
"Ahl right."
"Oh, and I understand that you've got a reputation to defend and all, but when we get out of here, drop the accent."
"Aye."
posted by Andrew Michael at 1:07 PM
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